Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Lost and Found

Soko sings 'My Dreams Dictate my Reality'. Dreams dictate reality? Really? Not what you say? Not what you think? Not how you act? I'll come back to this later.

Between the age of 17 and 23 I kept a handwritten diary. Hesitatingly at first. Looking for a format and words. What I learned fast was that I had to be honest looking in the mirror. Honest as in beyond "normal", "stupid", "unfair" and "acceptable". I learned to face reality, in the safe and sheltered corner of my diary. My reality and the reality of the Others. To accept and embrace - it sounds easier in retrospect than it was for me back then - the real world of individual 'homo sapiens'. To accept my own and others' jealousy, aggression, misbehaviour and all the other adjectives that don't belong to a "perfect" planet Earth. (We are citizens of planet Earth first and citizens of the Cosmos second.)

In retrospect, the above is one of the seeds that make me sensitive for fringe people. I accept all behaviour of other homo sapiens. All! Including the behaviour of killers, of sadists, of suicide bombers, of mafia, of society their free-riders. For me their behaviour is valid too. It belongs to the real world. It's real. Don't deny!

I accept reality of (dis)behaviour. At the same time I accept the laws of my country. These laws define what must and shall be punished. In punishment we trust. Realizing, accepting and embracing that these laws are culturally and historically biased.

What's my point? I think that the biggest pitfall of human communication is the 'Say-Think-Act-trap' (STA-trap).

In a perfect world the sets of Say, Think and Act are one and the same.
In a never-perfect world the sets of Say, Think and Act don't have any intersection at all.
In the real world there are intersections between the three sets. "Perfect communication" is the intersection between all three sets (colour 'yellow' in the Venn diagram). "Noisy communication" is the intersection between two sets (colour 'orange'). "Deaf & Blind communication" is the symmetric difference between the three sets (colour 'white').

Example one.  He says to an acquaintance that he will pay back the loan of 25,000 Euros as soon as possible. He thinks I'll not be able to pay back the money before I die. He borrows the loan - not telling his acquaintance - while knowing he will die in two months of incurable cancer.  

Examples two. An extremist Muslim (according to the Islam 'Taqiya' principle) says he accommodates himself to the laws of the country he lives in. He thinks I'll apply precautionary dissimulation for my plans to kill as many Islam-unbelievers as I can. He blows himself up as a suicide bomber.

Example three. He says he wants a tree in his garden. He thinks of a 50 year old oak with leaves and roots. He plants in his garden the expensive tree he thinks of.

Dreams dictate reality? Yes, your dreams. Yes, my dreams too. Yes but also what we say, what we think and how we act. Depending on the (lack of) intersections between say, think and act we have a serious communication constraint. Better: we have communication noise. Observation: I see a lot of noisy and deaf & blind communication on planet Earth.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Both Student. Both Teacher.

Virginia Vallejo (Columbia 1949) and Pablo Escobar (Columbia 1949-1993) were lovers for four years (1983-1987). He a drug lord of the Medellin cartel with a modest background. She a journalist and TV anchor(wo)man from the upper class.

Yesterday I finished reading her book 'Amando a Pablo, odiando a Escobar' (2007) in a Dutch translation 'Ik was de vrouw van Escobar' (2017). I wanted to read about the story behind their love. Her story. Her images. What she says and what not. Her details.

For me this quote is the key to the book (page 305-306). Ana Bolena Meza: "Virginia, you were the greatest star of this country [Columbia] and the Narcos ended your career and your good name. I am just a humble actress who wants to make her living with hard work. Say to that Gaviria that I don't want, for any gold, to live your life, certainly not because I see how the media treats you. Say that woman as me despise man like them. That I prefer to die rather than being touched by the dirty hands of a Narcos." Who is who? Pablo's nephew Gustavo Gaviria was fallen in love with actress Ana Bolena Meza. Gustavo asked Virginia to arrange a meeting with Ana. Ana refused to meet.

Why did Virginia fall in love with Pablo? Pablo built 2,500 houses for the poor of Medellin. Pablo saved her life. Both were student and teacher.  Mutual attracted to their huge intelligence. Magic. Attraction and rejection. Pablo fell for Virginia's beauty. Virginia fell for Pablo's insight and predictive ability. They had an equal relationship. Virginia always refused the sugar daddy side of Pablo. She wanted his love not his money. Later she asked Pablo for money (for education and investment in a company) then he refused because Virginia was the only woman in his life that did love him for free. He wanted to maintain that dream.

They talked a lot about the "inheritance" of Pablo. He wanted the world, via the only woman who really knew him, to know who he really was. A psychological and historical accurate portrait. 

Nice read. No book for sensitive souls.

P.S. The Spanish title translated into English 'Love Pablo. Hate Escobar', covers the content of their relationship better. Better than the Dutch title translated into English 'I was the woman of Escobar'.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Out of the Blue

'It' is a moment of:
  • Personal experience of healthy individual 'homo sapiens'
  • Feeling one whole and united 
  • Blissful
  • Fulfilment
  • Highest happiness
  • Wonderment
  • Awe
  • Magical 
  • Loss of judgment to time and space
  • Something that can't be described completely with words
  • Core of every religion
  • Can change life on an individual

Triggers for 'it' can be (non limited list): love, sex, art, music, creative work, scientific knowledge, meditation, introspection, experience in nature and chemicals (e.g. psilocybin).  

What is 'it'? It is what Maslow, in his 'Religions, Values and Peak Experiences' (1964), calls a 'peak experience'.

And then, live happily forever after? Well no, most people do at first not understand and have words for what has happened. It came out of the blue. Important is that they find a buddy or authority that teach them what they felt and how to deal with it. Sometimes it takes years - if ever - to learn what has happened. And sometimes it can make people suicidal ... the world was so beautiful and now everything is lost ... how to deal with that?

What is most important of all the above: peak experiences are natural experiences of healthy people. It makes life magical, blue and whole.  :)

P.S. Info in this blog is loosely based on Wikipedia Peak Experience. Mark that the content in English and Dutch is materially deviant.
P.P.S. I wrote many times about this subject. Via label 'Enlightenment' you have all posts in one list.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017


Children need a childhood with dirt, mud, trees and sticks. Nothing wrong with a few scratches and bruises.

Not only kids need dirt. Books (better: readers) need dirt too. Nothing wrong with a few feet of a ...

Friday, May 26, 2017

Drinking Water

Talking about how much I enjoy and love life, is as if I've to talk or post about drinking water. Of course. Naturally. Is there any other way?

I enjoy ...
  • walking
  • smell of cows
  • watching colour and components of flowers
  • listening to the sound of birds
  • look at airplanes flying over and wondering where they come from and where they go to and why
  • talking
  • reading
  • buying books
  • laughing
  • teasing
  • to give and receive love
  • be a teacher and student
  • wonder what the names are of all those little insects
  • colour and smell of grass
  • sound of wind in trees
  • looking at people how the walk and talk
  • dream of countries and places I'll probably never visit
  • hay in pastures
  • clouds in the sky
  • writing
  • you, me and us
  • look in your eyes
  • you in your ... - not telling you
  • freshly washed linens
  • early morning and late evening sun
  • smell of woodfire 
  • use all my senses
  • simple

Last Saturday I went with my daughter L and one of her best friends to a Agnes Obel concert in Liège (Belgium). I expected one lady behind a piano but it was a band of four woman. One on drums. Two of them playing on string instruments. Agnes singing and playing piano or keyboard. I loved their cloud of music very much. For me something between: Kate Bush, piano, mysterious, poem, sounds of nature and simple. In one image: warm cloud of voices, music and down to Earth words. Lovely!

I made a couple of pictures. Not of great quality but just to give you an idea how it looked like.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Que Reste-t-il?

Que Reste-t-il ...
Of that what was, must and should have been?
Of a child I've never seen?
Que Reste-t-il ...
Of the rendez-vous (encore) we never made?
Of the photo that we didn't take?
Que Reste-t-il ...
Of love-letters that noone will ever read?
Of your eyes on me?
Que Reste-t-il ...
Of drinking coffee from the same cup as you?
Of clouds passing by slowly?
Que Reste-t-il ...
Of walking hand in hand?
Of little kisses?
Que Reste-t-il ...
Of your empty hand when I flew away?
Of my empty hand when you flew away?

Que Reste-t-il ... 
O luz antiga o fim da tarde?
O saudade?

Wednesday, May 10, 2017


Is language shaping the way we think? And write? And convey ideas?

Yes, I think so too. To be more accurate I think that images or metaphors are the atoms of our communication. Images are bigger than a written or spoken language. It's the very structure of what we say and think and how we act.

Words are image-atoms. Every single word! Sentences are a group of image-atoms with their own image-atom(s) as structure. Compris? Do you grasp how deep this goes? Every single word!

I think a lot of people will laugh mildly about the fact that Ancient Egyptians thought that writing down a hieroglyph meant that it was born. Coming alive! It sounds like a magic that passed away long ago but for me it's still true. It never died! The moment we use a new image-atom a new universe is born. With its pros and cons, (dis)advantages, pitfalls, (ab)use and ... - there must be more. With its own magic!

I don't know if different languages produce different image-atoms. My intuition tells me it's the same hardware but sometimes software is able to change the very hardware too. So? All what I wrote down before these words are: image-atoms. The question is: can we think beyond, above, under, on and ... - there must be more - image-atoms?

Et puis, there is always the magic of meeting familiar souls - the ones you know since childhood in retrospect - who play in the same sandpit. Or just sit next to it. Just a few words. Just a few minutes. And my life, your life and our lives change. Change as water flows through a river.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

It Must Be Wrinkles

Where does my interest for Ancient Egypt come from? I don't have a clear and ready to pick answer on that question. So here a couple of different tracks to the top of the same mountain:
  • At a very young age. The treasures of king Tut and the curse. The pyramids of Egypt #gold #VeryOld
  • For six months I lived near Sharm el Sheikh in the Sinai (South Camp, MFO) #desert #sun #NotTouristLiveHere #selfconfidence
  • Puzzling on hieroglyphs #QA more
  • Looking for an answer 'What is definition (or definitions) of happiness for Ancient Egyptians?' #QA #happiness more
  • Antidote against Ancient Greece and Rome #antidote more
  • Ancient Egypt as (partly) birthplace of Western civilization #fringe more
  • THAT in Aswan #enlightenment more
  • And in old Egypt? Some crafts(wo)man made a lovely goddess out of wood #PlayboyBunny #wrinkles more
  • ... - there must be more

As you can see this is a long list and in between lines you can read that Egypt and Ancient Egypt is entwined into my personal life. In a way I grew up with it. #GrowingUp

If I put it in images: I entered a world of Others when I set foot on Egypt soil in 1987. Sun, yellow and empty desert instead of rain, green, houses and roads. When I came back to The Netherlands I knew I was changed. Making fuss about loose tiles in the pavement (more) while people starve of hunger! 

Next to that I am still puzzling. I read a lot about Ancient Egypt but still I don't fully comprehend them. It still feels as a world of Others. In a way I am looking for their "magic". Better: I am trying to re-live their magic world. The magic that somewhere is hidden behind, above, underneath or ... - what image to use? - their eyes who "see" sun and not a huge pile of money when they use gold. #magic more

P.S. Different tracks to same mountain? I wrote about this earlier in blog post 'Frozen?' (2010).

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Letter with Cflr1flr2l

Did you know that I talk to my chicken while feeding them? It feels for me that they completely ignore my talking. Three weeks ago one of our four hens died. It feels for me that they completely ignore her death.


Pretty down to Earth those Ancient Egyptians. 'Gold' for them was a picture of a 'necklace of gold and pearl'. When they want to talk about 'electrum' or 'silver' they add a 'was sceptre' or 'mace'. 'Bronze', 'copper' and 'metal' are not clear to me. 'Iron' was literally 'iron from the sky' or 'metal of heaven'. Read: coming from a fallen meteorite of iron.

The 'Sinai' peninsula was 'country of turquoise'. Turquoise is a blue-to-green stone (better: mineral). Lapis lazuli is a deep blue stone (better: rock). Both of these blue stones were used in the death mask of Tutankamen.

Did you know that for the Ancient Egyptians ... 
  • silver was more precious than gold?
  • gold was a divine and indestructible metal associated with the sun? 
  • gold had no economic importance and was only used for it's limited Royal and religious use?

I repeat. Gold had for the Ancient Egyptians no economic importance. It was only important for their religion. Gold as divine, indestructible and (color of) sun. With their eyes we are supposed to "see" sun and not a huge pile of money.

P.S. I wrote on value of silver before in blogpost 'Treasure Virtually Unknown' (April 2013).

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Less Than Thousand

Less than 1,000 people have been able to read and translate, since Champollion deciphered them in 1822, Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs. One of them translated a representative set of Ancient Egyptian texts into English: Toby Wilkinson, 'Writings from ancient Egypt' (2016).

It's a lovely book. With an introduction to every individual text and informative footnotes. For me this is a perfect guide into the world and thoughts of the Ancient Egyptians. Antidote against Ancient Greece and Rome! The world of the Ancient Egyptians is so different. The world of Others. At the same time their words of 4,000 to 4,500 years ago feel sometimes so close.

Check out:
  • 'Cycle of Hymns to Senusret III', page 96-100. Reminds me of Katie Melua's song, 'If you were a sailboat'. He is ... one in a million, a dyke, a cool room, a rampart, a refuge, a shelter, a shade, a warm corner and a mountain that hinders the storm when the sky rages.
  • 'The Great Hymn to the Orb', page 101-106. For the first time in history polytheism changed into: there is only one Orb and one Orb only. The source for the jewish JWH and christian God.
  • 'Chapter 125 The Declaration of Innocence', from 'The Book of Dead', page 165-174. For me this is the fertile ground that inspired the jews and christians to their Ten Commandments.
  • 'Harpist Song from the Tomb of King Intef', page 223-227. Rare. For me the greatest jewel of this book. More than 3,300 years old. "Follow your heart as long a you live! (...) Do as your heart commands while you're upon earth! (...) Look, no one is allowed to take his possessions with him. Look, no one who departs returns!"
  • 'The Teaching of Ani', page 300-311. 25th maxim: "Make a garden and enclose a plot, in addition to your fields. Set out trees in it to shelter your house. Fill your hand with all the flowers that your eye can see."

New for me. The two obelisks of Hatsepsut were wrought in electrum (page 194). Electrum!

In continuation to blogpost 'Happiness as 'Open of Heart. All senses sharp. Stripped of Unsavory.' (November 2011). I've to check out the hieroglyphs behind 'happy' and 'happiness' on page 39, 226 (twice), 261, 267 and 302. And 'joyfull' on page 51.

The hieroglyphs of 'iron' are 'miracle of heaven' (read 'meteorite'). This makes me curious for the hieroglyphs of silver, gold, electrum, copper and bronze. And of lapis lazuli. And of the Sinaï. And Maat and Isfet.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Flexible Light

Travel light! Yes, I travel light but as light as a scout. I don't believe in travel light as in having "nothing" in your rugsack. Travel light is for me above a light mind that is open for the world around and in him/ her.

When I walk I've the following items in my rugsack:
- Pocket knife
- Spare laces for my walking shoes
- Rope 3 meter 
- Sunglasses
- Cap
- Sun tan lotion
- Toiletpaper in a plastic bag
- Poncho
- Telephone with cord
- Powerbank for telephone 
- Wallet
- Water
- Sandwiches and fruit
- Map

These items, together with the clothes I wear (always 3 or 4 layers of clothes), give me maximum flexibility. I can sleep in my poncho. I can walk 50 kilometers a day. Protected against rain, sun, wind and snow. Everything with and on me to survive "everything" literally and figuratively.

I have in me all the dreams of the world.

P.S. I wrote on this before in blogpost 'All Dreams of World'  (december 2015).

Monday, April 10, 2017

No Pictures

In a couple of weeks I'll join an Agnes Obel concert. Together with my oldest daughter and one of her best friends. I am very fond of this song: Familiar. I don't know why.

Yesterday I made a 21 kilometer walk. Alone. T. didn't have any wanderlust. Lovely walk. It's spring in my country. The sun was very warm. I didn't make any pictures. These days I am experimenting with "no pictures". To experience if I look better, more concentrated when I don't make frozen pictures. To be offline visually. To live in the now. To breath in and out without society's kiss on my forehead by showing (off) where I've been.

Friday, March 31, 2017

How the West was Won?

Go West young man, go West. How was the West won? Do you know? Did you know that the popular and romantized era of cowboys, indians, outlaws and sheriffs only lasted 10-20 years?

In 1873 Timothy O'Sullivan made the oldest photos of the American West as it was charted for the first time. I love this one: Camp Beauty, Arizona (1873). Mark the tents.

More pictures of him: here (DailyMailCoUk, 2012) and here (Wiki Commons).

Wednesday, March 22, 2017


Wanted: a spring fairy (Dutch 'lentefee). And the reward is ...

P.S. Just another Chinese garden (blogpost from 2010).

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Human All Too Human

Did you follow the democratic elections 2017 in The Netherlands? Surprised by the results? I am not. In general the Dutch are common sense people and down to earth (Epicurean). Not as black and white as USA citizen sometimes seem (Stoic). Some people in my country are (very) angry but that group is relatively small. We, the others, "listen" to their constraints, complaints and anger but on our terms, not theirs. We adapt and take account of their grievances but ... step by step.

Look at this picture of Ramesses II of Ancient Egypt (1303-1213 BC). We can almost see him sleep on his deathbed. Partly bald. Hawk nose. Human.

Such a pity that we don't have the remains of Aristotle, Alexander the Great, Cleopatra VII, Jesus of Nazareth, Mohammed, Charlemagne and many more. To being able to have a picture just like that. To make all of us more human. Human, all too human. I guess that's what the world needs now: human as friends and not as enemies/ others/ subhuman/ not human at all.

P.S. Epicurean versus Stoic? I wrote about this in blogpost 'What's your amount of being a stoic? Or on the stupidness of the #red tag' (2009).

Wednesday, March 8, 2017



The older I get the less words I need to live, to breath, to justify me.

Friday, March 3, 2017


Some people think like this:

I prefer:

P.S. I wrote on this before in 'Don't Squeeze' (2012) and 'Fly!' (2013).

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Ancient Egyptians in Australia

Did the Ancient Egyptians visit Australia - 5,000 years ago - long before the Europeans did in the post-Columbus era? History is full of surprises so it could be ... but did they?

Arguments pro:
  • There are valid Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs carved in Gosford on the west coast. With a cartouche with the birth name of pharaoh Khufu (2589–2566 BC). Discovered in the early 1900s
  • Ancient Egyptians used tobacco and cocaine. They only grew in the continent which makes up modern America
Arguments contra:
  • Number of hieroglyphs increased in time (after 1975)
  • Carved in a disorganised manner
  • Some hieroglyphs are carved backwards
  • Some of the used shapes were invented 2,500 years later
  • Less erosion than nearby 250-year-old Aboriginal petroglyphs
  • Gosford is on the east coast and you'd expect them to land on the west coast

A possible explanation is that they were carved in 1920s by Australian soldiers who served in Egypt in WWI. Back then there was a widespread interest in ancient Egypt after the discovery of the Tomb of Tutankhamun.

Sources: 1, 2 and 3

Tuesday, February 14, 2017


Valentines day 2017. I love reading love letters.

I started reading - two weeks ago - António Lobo Antunes (1942) 'Mijn Winterkat mijn Lief. Brieven aan mijn vrouw' (2012). It's the Dutch translation of the war letters António wrote to his wife Maria José Xavier da Fonseca e Costa (1946-1999) while he stayed in Angola as a drafted soldier. Original title 'Cartas da Guerra. D'este viver aqui neste papel descripto' (2005).

Monday, February 6, 2017

Literally Illuminated in Gold

What a great way of living life is the Japanese 'kintsugi'! Embracing what is broken, flawed or imperfect. Not throw it away, not flee from it but simply ... repair it with gold. Accept change, sweet and sour as aspects of human life.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017


Sometimes happiness feels for me as a cloud. Particles of water in the sky, grouping and ungrouping in clouds, fighting with gravity and wind. I can watch clouds for hours. How they float, flow, fight, tumble, roll and ... - there must be more.

Happiness never feels for me as a destination. To set a goal and archieve it.

I guess happiness is a balance thing. Feeling being in balance, however short the moment in time is.

P.S. On days like this I like listening to songs like: esta.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017


Trump - the USA president elect - looking in the mirror:
Freud as in: sublimation, repression, displacement, denial, reaction formation, intellectualisation and projection. More

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Do Stuff and Pay Attention

More from her 'Vassar Speech' (2003): here.

Susan (1933-2004) also puts: Be less afraid! Without thinking that being happy is what it's all about. It's not. It's about ... - Chinese Garden.

Thursday, January 5, 2017